The French Connexion

Connexion is the name for the aborted Boeing project of providing internet facilities on board for long distance flights. The only reason I pick the word here is that it makes the title sound a little different from the plain old “Connection”.
France is a country which never has been high on the popularity ratings with me. General impression of the country and the people is that they are a bunch of arrogant, inefficient and lazy (I would also add stupid for reasons which would be evident later on) buggers who are so totally used to the social security concept that they have lost the desire and ambition to work hard to maintain their place under the sun. You will hear the French complain about the increasing number of migrants and in the same breath scorn the idea that the French could do the kind of low-end work being done by such migrants. As a result there is high unemployment and increasing discontent in an atmosphere of slow growth.
Anyways, the idea of this column is not to be a discourse on the French and their socio-economic setup. The idea is to highlights a few notables from my 1-day (first) visit to the country.
The first exposure to the French was on the Air France flight from Mumbai to Paris. Fortunately, it was a night flight and I slept though most of it. The time when I woke up though, I was greeted with some horrible breakfast (for which I wouldn’t single out the French as the other airlines are no better). The problem is that we guys are far too used to the idea of a HOT breakfast and hence cannot appreciate their COLD, FROZEN breakfast, even if the items are of seeming Indian origin.
Landing at the Charles de Gaulle airport was not so bad really (or maybe it was worse!). The customs/immigration personnel barely glanced up at me and took less than 20 seconds to stamp me through into Paris. I wondered whether they are not as paranoid as the Americans and British on security or they are just plain lazy to spend any effort (notwithstanding the Turkish hijack the previous evening).
The cabbie we got for the hotel was a complete fraud who would make the Delhi cabbies seem like angels. The guy passed in front of our hotel and instead of getting in there decided to take us straight on. When I questioned him, he went “Pardon…. blah blah.. blue blue.. Marriot… I sorry…. Not know…” Then when we pointed the place out, he took a 2 km turn and got us to the place.
Rascal.
The Conference itself was quite decent. It seemed to be more of an Indian and Chinese conference, though you could see a lot many other people as well. Considering the extremely large desi contingent, it was a bit of a surprise to find that there was barely any veg food other than the croissants and the odd sandwich (don’t count wafers as food anymore!). We made up for this shortcoming by raiding all the stalls which had dry fruits or tortilla chips, etc out for the visitors to snack on as they did their meetings (we didn’t do any of the meetings though ;)
The highlight of the visit has to be the Buddha Bar. Located in the middle of the city, it is said to be the original lounge bar. True to its name, it has a larger than life Buddha statue spanning across the second (the restaurant) and first basement (the bar). The whole setting is rather thematic and rather romantic (in a medieval sense of the word). With the lovely looking French women (this was the other highlight), the outstanding music (highlight # 3) and the overall ambience, it made for a rather enjoyable evening. Not having a drink there would’ve been like insulting the place, and I didn’t want to be disrespectful.
Few thoughts on the highlights:
French women are so tall... as in sexy tall and with even more sexy legs. And quite at ease with showing off a fair proportion of their assets. They carry themselves rather well, in that slightly haughty manner which few guys can resist (nor can tolerate, lest some of you in India get ideas!). Seeing some of the model types from the famous Paris fashion circuit was quite a bit of eye-candy.
The music at Buddha Bar (pick up a CD at your music store and listen to it before you accuse me of the blasphemy of comparing the women with it) was simply the best lounge bar music I have heard ever. Apparently they get musicians to create music to be played in the Bar on an exclusive basis. They do sell CDs of this music though. It’s a fantastic mix of Oriental, Indian and Western instruments and is enchanting. The tempo builds up ever so slowly and before you realise you are wanting to dance. Alas, here’s where the place fell below expectations…Very little place to shake a leg (leave alone having a dance floor!!)
As we got out of the place to come back to the Hotel, we were treated to a series of exotic cars lined up like the Maruti 800s in India.. the Ferraris, BMWs, Porches, Maseratis and so on.
Leaving Paris back for Mumbai, I had what I though would be my final taste of France, the airport. Its quite exquisite in being spread out over a huge area with full service roads passing all through it (quite nice to have an airplane go on top while you move ahead in the taxi through an underpass!). At the same time its one of the crappiest airports I have come across. Its like an artist’s rendition wherein terminals have been placed as and where the architect liked with no attention to passenger comfort and ease. The access to the lounge was so sad that I didn’t even bother going there. Not much of a shopping experience either with a handful of shops selling some alcohol, chocolates and books/magazines.
The final episode of the trip was the return flight. Sitting on the Air France flight back to Mumbai, feeling rather hungry because all I had was a bit of bread and pancakes for breakfast and waiting for lunch to be served. Tolerating some really loud French group jumping around and chatting at the top of their voices. Finally my moment of glory arrives and they start laying out the white table-cloth.
And then -
French Steward (he looked quite Asian, but I am convinced he was French!): What wood eou like to drink zir?
Me: A glass of water would be just fine
French Steward: Zparkling or ztill?
Me: Still.
French Steward: And have eou decided your starterz Zir?
Me: But I haven’t got the menu!!
French Steward: Zir, we have zee duck or zee shrimp.
Me: But I am a vegetarian. Don’t you have a special meal for me?
French Steward: Then eou cood try the shrimp Zir.. Itz got veggiez..
Me:…….
PS: Realised by the end of the flight that the dude was indeed desi!!!